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Writer's pictureTheLoveofOrder

Normalize the regift



"Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights..." James 1:17


And what a generous gift giver He is! And I'm sure you have many other people in your life whose love language is gift giving!! So what do you do when you receive something that you appreciate but wouldn't exactly choose for yourself?


While it surely came with wonderful intentions and thoughtfulness, you want to make sure that the giver isn't offended by your ultimate decision on how to use {or not use} the item.


And I'm here to tell you, friend, that you can just free yourself of that guilt right here and now! Because the LAST thing the giver would've wanted to lay on you is the burden of the gift, right?


They packaged it beautifully with visions of your excitement as you unwrap the surprise.


They hoped you would be as thrilled with the present as they were when they purchased it.


They envisioned you being filled with joy as you thought of them every time you used it or noticed it.



So there's really no room for judgment or anxiety or fear when you decide to send the gift on to the next recipient! Once the gift is in your hands you have agency to do with it what you wish. It belongs to YOU now so you get to decide the next step on its journey.


Here are some options on how to handle a potentially sticky situation with grace and appreciation:


  1. Express gratitude - First and foremost be sure to share your appreciation for the thoughtfulness and generosity of the giver. The only appropriate response is "Thank you so much!" and move on. You don't need to discuss where you plan to display the gift, or how you plan to use the gift, or even your initial impression of the gift. Because, truth be told, the giving is never about the gift - but it is about the relationship of the recipient to the giver.


  1. Be discrete - You don't need to be sneaky or mysterious about how you plan to use the gift. Just be careful not to overshare. I usually put away gifts that I don't intend to keep in a specific place {a regifting bin}, put a sticky note on it about who gave it to me and the date. I try not to regift immediately because it's too close to the occassion. Instead I put it in my stash to give it away at a later date - you never know when a last minute gift could really come in clutch!


  1. Let go of the guilt - this is a big one and not an easy one if I'm being honest. So often we connect "things" with people and that's not always a bad thing. An item could help trigger a treasured memory or situation. But when the item brings up feelings of resentment or frustration or burden it's time to let it go guilt free! I'm not sure who gave you that gift but I'm certain they never intended for you to feel anything but happy when you enjoy the gift. So if that's truly not happening it's more than ok to find a new home where it really CAN be appreciated for what it is.


  1. Ask for an opinion - You might need some assurance that it's ok to let it go. Asking your spouse, trusted friend, or professional organizer are great ways to get outside perspective {and maybe permission} on the situation. Someone who isn't as closely connected to the relationship and/or the item can give you a different view of the situation and the support or encouragement you need to put it in the regift closet.


  1. Have an honest conversation with yourself - I don't recommend talking with the giver. Hear me out - would it help the situation if you explained that you no longer enjoy the gift they gave? Or would it just create more hurt and complicated conversations? First, start with being honest with yourself about how you feel in the relationship and know that it's not usually based on keeping track of who gave what gift to whom and when. And if it truly is based on that key factor, it may be time to also take a look at the relationship. {Just sayin'}


At the end of the day you have ownership over what stays or what goes in your home and in your life. You don't owe anyone an explanation when you are trying to do what's best for YOU! You can be gracious and resourceful and still not hurt anyone's feelings. Trust me on this.


And if you need help, dear friend, give me a shout. I've sat beside countless clients who wrestled with hard questions and tough decisions. I will always have your best interest at heart and be your biggest cheerleader!


Happy organizing!










Love,

Ashley

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